The students in Cab Calloway have a few questions, and they want them answered. But this breaking news will put a hush over the curious minds of Calloway. Firstly, where oh where have our beloved ceilings gone? Now, walking through the hallway or standing in the classrooms, the constant fear of having God-knows-what drip on our heads dominates, and studies show that if it were not enforced, students would indeed bring umbrellas to school. Second, why is it that our school does not have proper bread? It tends to be on the grainy side, and a strange color has recently been showing up. Well, as a wise… okay, it was just Mr. Drake. So: as a strange man once predicted, the ceilings are being used for a purpose that money doesn’t cover. Are our acoustic tiles being made into the unsatisfactory lunches we’ve been receiving? An interview with our undercover spy, Ian Alejandro, will uncover the truth you’ve been missing:
Ian, when I appointed you as my undercover assistant, did you really think you would find any suspicious activity at all?
Ahem… First of all… no.
What was your initial reaction when you discovered the major felony behind the disappearance of our ceiling?
I thought someone stole it, then sold it on eBay.
And how did you come across your astounding discovery?
I was searching for my super-secret trench coat in the lost and found, when I came across a Sweeny Todd-esque meat grinder, which, upon further inspection, I found to be coated with a fine layer of ceiling dust.
And where exactly was this tile grinder?
Behind the lunch counter, near a large and suspicious pile of moldy ceiling tiles.
Did you question anyone?
Yes. I interrogated the lunch lady until she burst into tears and told me everything. I mean, ahem… no. I keep to myself.
I have one last question for you. Do you, or do you not, have proof of this major crime?
Yes. It’s in my briefcase. I’ll go get it.
Now, friends, teachers, and sworn enemies alike can all rest assured that they are not eating bread, but that it is, in fact, the ceiling they once learned, conspired, and plotted under. Thank you for your time. Kira Alejandro, out.
Hey its miranda, this is my april fools article. The picture is on my blog.
Found: Magic toilet Portal to Las Vegas! BY: Miranda Rosaio
You know the upstairs’ girls bathroom? It has been having renovations performed on it for a long time you know (along with the rest of the school)? Well, those renovations won’t be done for a while. An undercover expedition caught several of the construction workers off duty. Where did they go you ask? It may sound a little strange but, they went to the bathroom, in a girls stall! A recent discovery has been made, stall number three is actually a toilet portal to Las Vegas (how they all fit, I have no idea)! During renovations, a pipe above the third stall, broke spilling out some sort toxic waste (It’s honestly that not hard to believe) causing the toilet to become a magic portal……TO LAS VEGAS! The investigation took us deeper and deeper into the mystery of the never ending renovations. When we finally compiled enough evidence, we were able to get a warrant. We questioned several of the construction workers. Most of them claimed that they had no idea about the portal. The principal gave us information on all of the construction workers currently on duty. Upon further investigation, we discovered that some of the construction workers weren’t on the list at all, meaning that the school did not employ them. As it seems, someone leaked the information about the ‘portal-potty’ causing others to pose as workers to get free trips. The frauds are being weeded out, and soon the construction will continue on as planned. The school is deciding whether or not to destroy the toilet, so until a decision is made, the bathroom will be closed.
Hi Rachel, it's Amy. This is my article. My picture is on my blog: mewspaper.blogspot.com Please use my artical WITH the pic. Sorry about the no-indents. Stupid BLogger.
Barney Involved in Million Dollar Scandal
And He’s a Vampire
By Mewspaper
Everyone’s favorite purple dinosaur is no longer lovable. Just ask his adoring followers. “I know Barney’s schedule by heart!” exclaimed one clearly over-caffeinated stalker/fan. “He seems to be spending a lot of time at the bank…” Investigators went straight to the bank. (The name of this bank cannot be disclosed and is strictly confidential.) The bank tellers gave us a great deal with 5% interest, but our highly trained investigators cut straight to the chase. The tellers decribed a "big purple dinosaur” that had come frequently in the past few days to withdraw money. Barney’s account had been receiving multiple payments. All together, he received a total of about $1,000,000. “All the payments were from the same store: Rich People & Company,” the tellers explained. “It just so happens that their headquarters is right on this street.” The investigating team went straight to the HQ. Once there, we were offered another amazing deal: Buy two for the price of three! Instead of shopping around, we asked to speak to the CEO of Rich People & Company. The CEO (who was wearing a very snazzy suit) gave us even more valuable information. “Yeah, it’s strange. We’ve been losing a lot of our profit. You should talk to our replacement treasurer, Mr. BJ. Our old treasurer hasn’t been seen in quite a while now... What kind of a person takes a three month vacation to Cuba!? ” After extensive questioning, our investigators uncovered a very malicious and not very intelligent plot. First, Barney had the treasurer kidnapped. Then, the dinosaur had his friend “BJ” pose as a replacement treasurer. Instead of properly managing the money, BJ had most of it sent to Barney’s account. It turns out that Barney was going to use the money to fund his own store: Barney’s and Noble. We arrested the dinosaur and his accomplice. The old treasurer was found eventually, but he was partly insane by then. Barney is also charged with the “biting” of innocent children. Surveillence cameras have shown Barney taking daily trips to the blood bank. Scientists claim that he is a vampire. The dinosaur denies this and explains that his “fangs” are just very sharp canine teeth. Our investigators wanted more evidence, so we turned to the children from the Barney & Friends Show. “Barney bit me on the neck,” said one child. “Now I have fangs!” He proceeded to show the investigators two puncture marks. Then, he showed us his teeth. Two were distinctly sharper than the rest. Our investigators made sure to stay FAR away from that kid. Another child gave us a picture that she had taken. “I took this picture right after Barney bit Frank. My mommy says that I’ll be a famous photographer when I grow up. I like to take pictures of magic toilet portals!” Later research led us to the conclusion that Barney is a vampire. Much to the dismay of Twilight fans, Barney is indeed related to Edward Cullen. (Second cousin twice removed… or something like that.) Looks like fans will only see reruns from now on. And we thought Barney was a nice dino!
On Monday February 2nd, 2009 Eeyore, a favorite character on "Winnie the Pooh," was arrested for armed robbery. The robbery occurred at noon the day before he got arrested at the Bank of America in Dover, DE. The suspect supposedly carried a 44 caliber gun. Four security cameras and twelve witnesses witnessed the crime. One of which was a clerk who worked at the Bank of America. "He was calm at first, then he starts freaking out and pulls out a gun!" Says the clerk, who asks to remain nameless. Eeyore has no known motive but network executives say that they told him they were replacing him just hours before the robbery. Eeyore was heartbroken, and stormed out of the studio. Police aren't sure, but they think this is the cause for his outbreak. If he is convicted, he faces at least 15 years in jail. Ten for the robbery and five for illegal weapon possession. There is no word yet on if the show will stay on the air.
A group of scientists were listening to the radio while making grilled cheese sandwiches. Nothing out of the usual. But then their radioactive detecting sunglasses were going crazy. They looked for the source of the radioactive-ness for hours. Until, they found it. They got hungry, so they decided to eat their grilled cheese. But when the grilled cheese got close to them their radioactive detecting sunglasses AND shoelaces were going crazy. The discovery was made.
“It turns out,” scientist Joe Josephs says, “that all types of cheeses have been watching us in different ways.” Cheddar, was watching us through their invisible eyes. Parmesan used thermo graphic senses to watch us. All types of cheeses are watching us in their different, evil cheesy ways.
“Where do they come from? Was the first thing I thought when we made this discovery.” Scientist Steve Stevens says. After more hours of working diligently to find out where they came from, it happened. “It was so obvious when we found it.” scientist Mike Michaels says. “They came from cows!”
So now we know the cheese mystery. The cheese came from cows. But the mixture of the cow milk and the cheese ingredients gave them vision. So remember, be careful where you put your cheese because; it’s watching you
Nelson Hernandez, a brave, strong and manly graffiti artist, recently took a visit to his condo on the moon with his labradoodle Banana. While he was there, he thought of a brilliant idea. To tag the moon! It took him almost five minutes, and was later of to relax in his fifty-thousand square inch pool. On his epic return journey, he rode threw several asteroid belts, risking life and death to get home. This amazing, unique person finally returns after slaying a giant block of cheese, named Cheese. He is awarded by President Obama the Key to The World, and is a big hero to this day. You can even see his legacy from earth every day in the night sky, and it says, NH WUZ HERE.
Yes, it’s true the mega hot vampires and semi hot….. Well non vampires, are calling a quits! Rumor has it that they all have there personal reasons for leaving the movie, when they were just about to start filming the sequel to Twilight, NEW MOON!!!!!!!! Some say that Robert Pattinson (Edward Cullen) said “why come back to film 4 scenes then leave for a year or so, to come back and film eclipse, no they can find there self’s a new Edward Cullen”! Now I love Rob but that’s being a little selfish don’t you think?? Then others say Kirsten Stewart (Bella swan) is sick of all the pictures and interviews and rather make little movies then have to go through this kind of torture!! Its sad Kirsten I think after making all those little movies that when you caught a break you would keep it going for as long as possible. Well anyway, I can’t forget those little actors. OPPS!!!!!!! I forgot, that’s the reason why there quitting yep, jasper, Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, Carslie, Esme, and Bella’s dad, and all of bells friends at school ( Who’s names I forget). Are leaving well because Bella and Edward are, why stay around when these going to be no movie. The only person that’s still on board is Taylor Laurent (Jacob Black), who claims he can do the whole movie by himself. Well there’s no need for that Jacob, because…………………………………… APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes this whole article is a joke. Nobodies quitting that I know of. New moon is still about to start filming and none of the stars egos are that big. So Happy April fools, I fooled you! I hope! Thanks for reading!
Last seen on March 21st, 2009 known rapper Biggie Smalls was seen walking around The Wachovia center. Many say they saw him at various concerts. Suprsingly, this doesnt seem like a big deal to many fellow folks on the street. The bad thing about this is that, some sources say they have seen him set arsenics near abandoned towns. People believe thats why there has been a lot of mysterious fires. But thats not a proven story. No one really knows why Biggie Smalls is all of sudden back on this earth. This is a mysterious case. I interviewed Laniya Thompson and she said the following "I was in Wachovia taking out lunch money from my Cab Calloway School of the arts account when there was all of sudden this blackness all over the place and as I looked around, i saw Bigge Smalls walking towards the back exit. It seemed like an eclipse."I asked how you reacted to seeing the mysterious figure of Biggie Smalls. She replied saying "Like any other normal person, I reacted very much in shock. Also I screamed and called 911. But there was no anwser. People these days!" I tried catching Laniya but she ran away from me crying. Weird.If you have any information what so ever, contact this number. 111-222-3333
Yes I did stalk him. I did break into his house. And I found out his secret. A couple weeks ago when he left his bed room I quickly leapt into his room and noticed rogain mixed with chia seeds I knew this couldn’t be the thing that could gives him hair. But then I heard him racing up the stairs I knew I was doomed. I quickly shot under the bed hoping not to get caught but then I saw him. These next couple lines may shock every one reading this article. So I will show you a picture of it. Gasp I know!!! So I sat under his bed waiting to hear him say the slightest bit of evidence towards what I was looking for. But I didn’t even need him to say anything I had to move my hand to scratch my neck when I felt what appeared to be a wig. But it wasn’t kind of. It was a bald wig. Just so if you don’t know what a bald wig is it’s a wig that makes you look bald. I know what you’re saying why some one would want to be bald, I know either. He left the room again I made a dive out his window landing in his trashcan piled up to the top with wall words from last year. The next morning I walked in to his room and had him take a picture of his famous pinky to mouth combo. And I had him stand in front of the door and then right before I took the picture I turned on the fan and snapped the picture and ran. And that is my story and now you all know. Mr. Mazz has a Mohawk.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteThe students in Cab Calloway have a few questions, and they want them answered. But this breaking news will put a hush over the curious minds of Calloway. Firstly, where oh where have our beloved ceilings gone? Now, walking through the hallway or standing in the classrooms, the constant fear of having God-knows-what drip on our heads dominates, and studies show that if it were not enforced, students would indeed bring umbrellas to school. Second, why is it that our school does not have proper bread? It tends to be on the grainy side, and a strange color has recently been showing up. Well, as a wise… okay, it was just Mr. Drake. So: as a strange man once predicted, the ceilings are being used for a purpose that money doesn’t cover. Are our acoustic tiles being made into the unsatisfactory lunches we’ve been receiving? An interview with our undercover spy, Ian Alejandro, will uncover the truth you’ve been missing:
ReplyDeleteIan, when I appointed you as my undercover assistant, did you really think you would find any suspicious activity at all?
Ahem… First of all… no.
What was your initial reaction when you discovered the major felony behind the disappearance of our ceiling?
I thought someone stole it, then sold it on eBay.
And how did you come across your astounding discovery?
I was searching for my super-secret trench coat in the lost and found, when I came across a Sweeny Todd-esque meat grinder, which, upon further inspection, I found to be coated with a fine layer of ceiling dust.
And where exactly was this tile grinder?
Behind the lunch counter, near a large and suspicious pile of moldy ceiling tiles.
Did you question anyone?
Yes. I interrogated the lunch lady until she burst into tears and told me everything. I mean, ahem… no. I keep to myself.
I have one last question for you. Do you, or do you not, have proof of this major crime?
Yes. It’s in my briefcase. I’ll go get it.
Now, friends, teachers, and sworn enemies alike can all rest assured that they are not eating bread, but that it is, in fact, the ceiling they once learned, conspired, and plotted under. Thank you for your time. Kira Alejandro, out.
Hey its miranda, this is my april fools article. The picture is on my blog.
ReplyDeleteFound: Magic toilet Portal to Las Vegas!
BY: Miranda Rosaio
You know the upstairs’ girls bathroom? It has been having renovations performed on it for a long time you know (along with the rest of the school)? Well, those renovations won’t be done for a while. An undercover expedition caught several of the construction workers off duty. Where did they go you ask? It may sound a little strange but, they went to the bathroom, in a girls stall! A recent discovery has been made, stall number three is actually a toilet portal to Las Vegas (how they all fit, I have no idea)! During renovations, a pipe above the third stall, broke spilling out some sort toxic waste (It’s honestly that not hard to believe) causing the toilet to become a magic portal……TO LAS VEGAS!
The investigation took us deeper and deeper into the mystery of the never ending renovations. When we finally compiled enough evidence, we were able to get a warrant. We questioned several of the construction workers. Most of them claimed that they had no idea about the portal. The principal gave us information on all of the construction workers currently on duty. Upon further investigation, we discovered that some of the construction workers weren’t on the list at all, meaning that the school did not employ them. As it seems, someone leaked the information about the ‘portal-potty’ causing others to pose as workers to get free trips.
The frauds are being weeded out, and soon the construction will continue on as planned. The school is deciding whether or not to destroy the toilet, so until a decision is made, the bathroom will be closed.
Hi Rachel, it's Amy. This is my article. My picture is on my blog: mewspaper.blogspot.com
ReplyDeletePlease use my artical WITH the pic. Sorry about the no-indents. Stupid BLogger.
Barney Involved in Million Dollar Scandal
And He’s a Vampire
By Mewspaper
Everyone’s favorite purple dinosaur is no longer lovable. Just ask his adoring followers.
“I know Barney’s schedule by heart!” exclaimed one clearly over-caffeinated stalker/fan. “He seems to be spending a lot of time at the bank…”
Investigators went straight to the bank. (The name of this bank cannot be disclosed and is strictly confidential.) The bank tellers gave us a great deal with 5% interest, but our highly trained investigators cut straight to the chase. The tellers decribed a "big purple dinosaur” that
had come frequently in the past few days to withdraw money. Barney’s account had been receiving multiple payments. All together, he received a total of about $1,000,000.
“All the payments were from the same store: Rich People & Company,” the tellers explained. “It just so happens that their headquarters is right on this street.”
The investigating team went straight to the HQ. Once there, we were offered another amazing deal: Buy two for the price of three! Instead of shopping around, we asked to speak to the CEO of Rich People & Company. The CEO (who was wearing a very snazzy suit) gave us even more valuable information.
“Yeah, it’s strange. We’ve been losing a lot of our profit. You should talk to our replacement treasurer, Mr. BJ. Our old treasurer hasn’t been seen in quite a while now... What kind of a person takes a three month vacation to Cuba!? ”
After extensive questioning, our investigators uncovered a very malicious and not very intelligent plot. First, Barney had the treasurer kidnapped. Then, the dinosaur had his friend “BJ” pose as a replacement treasurer. Instead of properly managing the money, BJ had most of it sent to Barney’s account. It turns out that Barney was going to use the money to fund his own store: Barney’s and Noble. We arrested the dinosaur and his accomplice. The old treasurer was found eventually, but he was partly insane by then.
Barney is also charged with the “biting” of innocent children. Surveillence cameras have shown Barney taking daily trips to the blood bank. Scientists claim that he is a vampire. The dinosaur denies this and explains that his “fangs” are just very sharp canine teeth. Our investigators wanted more evidence, so we turned to the children from the Barney & Friends Show.
“Barney bit me on the neck,” said one child. “Now I have fangs!” He proceeded to show the investigators two puncture marks. Then, he showed us his teeth. Two were distinctly sharper than the rest. Our investigators made sure to stay FAR away from that kid.
Another child gave us a picture that she had taken. “I took this picture right after Barney bit Frank. My mommy says that I’ll be a famous photographer when I grow up. I like to take pictures of magic toilet portals!” Later research led us to the conclusion that Barney is a vampire. Much to the dismay of Twilight fans, Barney is indeed related to Edward Cullen. (Second cousin twice removed… or something like that.)
Looks like fans will only see reruns from now on. And we thought Barney was a nice dino!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteEeyore, Friend or Felon?
ReplyDeleteBy Rachel Jastrebski
On Monday February 2nd, 2009 Eeyore, a favorite character on "Winnie the Pooh," was arrested for armed robbery. The robbery occurred at noon the day before he got arrested at the Bank of America in Dover, DE. The suspect supposedly carried a 44 caliber gun. Four security cameras and twelve witnesses witnessed the crime. One of which was a clerk who worked at the Bank of America. "He was calm at first, then he starts freaking out and pulls out a gun!" Says the clerk, who asks to remain nameless. Eeyore has no known motive but network executives say that they told him they were replacing him just hours before the robbery. Eeyore was heartbroken, and stormed out of the studio. Police aren't sure, but they think this is the cause for his outbreak. If he is convicted, he faces at least 15 years in jail. Ten for the robbery and five for illegal weapon possession. There is no word yet on if the show will stay on the air.
(And by the way... APRIL FOOL'S!!!!)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteCheese Is Watching Us!
ReplyDeleteA group of scientists were listening to the radio while making grilled cheese sandwiches. Nothing out of the usual. But then their radioactive detecting sunglasses were going crazy. They looked for the source of the radioactive-ness for hours. Until, they found it. They got hungry, so they decided to eat their grilled cheese. But when the grilled cheese got close to them their radioactive detecting sunglasses AND shoelaces were going crazy. The discovery was made.
“It turns out,” scientist Joe Josephs says, “that all types of cheeses have been watching us in different ways.” Cheddar, was watching us through their invisible eyes. Parmesan used thermo graphic senses to watch us. All types of cheeses are watching us in their different, evil cheesy ways.
“Where do they come from? Was the first thing I thought when we made this discovery.” Scientist Steve Stevens says. After more hours of working diligently to find out where they came from, it happened. “It was so obvious when we found it.” scientist Mike Michaels says. “They came from cows!”
So now we know the cheese mystery. The cheese came from cows. But the mixture of the cow milk and the cheese ingredients gave them vision. So remember, be careful where you put your cheese because; it’s watching you
Nelson Hernandez, a brave, strong and manly graffiti artist, recently took a visit to his condo on the moon with his labradoodle Banana. While he was there, he thought of a brilliant idea. To tag the moon! It took him almost five minutes, and was later of to relax in his fifty-thousand square inch pool. On his epic return journey, he rode threw several asteroid belts, risking life and death to get home. This amazing, unique person finally returns after slaying a giant block of cheese, named Cheese. He is awarded by President Obama the Key to The World, and is a big hero to this day. You can even see his legacy from earth every day in the night sky, and it says, NH WUZ HERE.
ReplyDeleteYes, it’s true the mega hot vampires and semi hot….. Well non vampires, are calling a quits! Rumor has it that they all have there personal reasons for leaving the movie, when they were just about to start filming the sequel to Twilight, NEW MOON!!!!!!!! Some say that Robert Pattinson (Edward Cullen) said “why come back to film 4 scenes then leave for a year or so, to come back and film eclipse, no they can find there self’s a new Edward Cullen”! Now I love Rob but that’s being a little selfish don’t you think?? Then others say Kirsten Stewart (Bella swan) is sick of all the pictures and interviews and rather make little movies then have to go through this kind of torture!! Its sad Kirsten I think after making all those little movies that when you caught a break you would keep it going for as long as possible. Well anyway, I can’t forget those little actors. OPPS!!!!!!! I forgot, that’s the reason why there quitting yep, jasper, Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, Carslie, Esme, and Bella’s dad, and all of bells friends at school ( Who’s names I forget). Are leaving well because Bella and Edward are, why stay around when these going to be no movie. The only person that’s still on board is Taylor Laurent (Jacob Black), who claims he can do the whole movie by himself. Well there’s no need for that Jacob, because…………………………………… APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYes this whole article is a joke. Nobodies quitting that I know of. New moon is still about to start filming and none of the stars egos are that big. So Happy April fools, I fooled you! I hope! Thanks for reading!
TRIPLE REVISED!
ReplyDeleteLast seen on March 21st, 2009 known rapper Biggie Smalls was seen walking around The Wachovia center. Many say they saw him at various concerts. Suprsingly, this doesnt seem like a big deal to many fellow folks on the street. The bad thing about this is that, some sources say they have seen him set arsenics near abandoned towns. People believe thats why there has been a lot of mysterious fires. But thats not a proven story. No one really knows why Biggie Smalls is all of sudden back on this earth. This is a mysterious case. I interviewed Laniya Thompson and she said the following "I was in Wachovia taking out lunch money from my Cab Calloway School of the arts account when there was all of sudden this blackness all over the place and as I looked around, i saw Bigge Smalls walking towards the back exit. It seemed like an eclipse."I asked how you reacted to seeing the mysterious figure of Biggie Smalls. She replied saying "Like any other normal person, I reacted very much in shock. Also I screamed and called 911. But there was no anwser. People these days!" I tried catching Laniya but she ran away from me crying. Weird.If you have any information what so ever, contact this number. 111-222-3333
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteMr. Mazz grows hair :0+=
ReplyDeleteYes I did stalk him. I did break into his house. And I found out his secret. A couple weeks ago when he left his bed room I quickly leapt into his room and noticed rogain mixed with chia seeds I knew this couldn’t be the thing that could gives him hair. But then I heard him racing up the stairs I knew I was doomed. I quickly shot under the bed hoping not to get caught but then I saw him.
These next couple lines may shock every one reading this article.
So I will show you a picture of it.
Gasp I know!!! So I sat under his bed waiting to hear him say the slightest bit of evidence towards what I was looking for. But I didn’t even need him to say anything I had to move my hand to scratch my neck when I felt what appeared to be a wig. But it wasn’t kind of. It was a bald wig. Just so if you don’t know what a bald wig is it’s a wig that makes you look bald. I know what you’re saying why some one would want to be bald, I know either. He left the room again I made a dive out his window landing in his trashcan piled up to the top with wall words from last year. The next morning I walked in to his room and had him take a picture of his famous pinky to mouth combo. And I had him stand in front of the door and then right before I took the picture I turned on the fan and snapped the picture and ran. And that is my story and now you all know. Mr. Mazz has a Mohawk.